About
Hi, I'm Koby.
I help couples and men in Victoria change the patterns that keep them stuck in conflict, distance and disconnection — directly, and without the shame. (Curious why Victoria? I wrote about that.)
Koby Smutylo — relationship therapist in Victoria, BCA different road to this chair
Before I became a therapist, I spent more than two decades as a business lawyer, work I still do, advising entrepreneurs, executives and leaders through high-stakes, high-pressure situations. I sat with people at the worst moments of their professional lives, and the longer I did it the clearer one thing became. Careers and money don't hold a life together. Relationships do.
I watched smart, capable people solve every problem in front of them except the one waiting at home. Eventually I stopped just watching. I went back to school, studied clinical psychology, trained in Relational Life Therapy, and opened this practice.
Why this work
I spent decades watching how people behave under pressure. Now I help them do something different.
I still practise business law alongside this work, through Smutylo Law+, so I don't need professional pressure explained to me. I live in that world too. I understand demanding careers, high expectations, responsibility, and the habit of functioning long after something important has started to erode. That's a big part of why I work so often with men, and with couples where one or both partners are carrying a lot. The skills that get you through a brutal quarter are mostly the opposite of the ones that build closeness. That's not damage. It's training.
Nobody gets pathologized in my office. We find the pattern, you take honest ownership of your piece of it, and we build something better.
How I work
Honest, active, and on your side
My primary training is in Relational Life Therapy (RLT), developed by Terry Real — an approach that's direct without being harsh, and warm without being soft. I won't validate blindly, and I won't shame you. I'll help you see the patterns holding you back, and I'll hold you to the change you say you want. Where it's clinically useful, I draw on other relationship-focused approaches, but the heart of it stays the same.
What guides the work: Be self-aware and open to change. Take responsibility for your part. Do the work that produces actual change — in your kitchen, with the people who matter, not just in theory. Don't stop.
Background
Education, training & credentials
Clinical training
M.A. in Clinical Psychology at Antioch University — in progress, completing September 2026.
Relational Life Therapy
Trained in Relational Life Therapy through the Relational Life Institute, the approach founded by Terry Real.
Professional background
Juris Doctor (J.D.) and more than two decades as a business lawyer advising entrepreneurs, executives and leaders — a practice he continues to maintain.
Registration status: Registration as a Registered Clinical Counsellor (RCC) with the BC Association of Clinical Counsellors is currently in progress, as is certification in Relational Life Therapy. These are not yet complete, and the site will be updated the moment each one is.
Two practices, kept separate. I practise business law separately, through Smutylo Law+. I do not provide legal advice or legal services in my therapy practice, and the therapy relationship is not a solicitor-client relationship. I also don't take on therapy clients who are or have been legal clients, or the reverse.
You don't have to figure this out alone.
The consultation is 15 minutes, by phone, and free. We'll talk about what's bringing you in, what you're hoping will change, and whether I'm the right person to help. No preparation, no pressure to book.