Free tool · Checklist · before the wedding
Premarital readiness check.
Most of the trouble married couples run into later was a conversation they never had. This checklist covers eighteen of them and gives you a printable list of the ones still open, with prompts to get you started.
Victoria Relationship Therapy · https://victoriarelationshiptherapy.ca/tools-premarital-readiness-check.html
Being ready to marry isn’t about having no disagreements. It’s about having talked through the big ones — money, children, families, conflict, household roles, intimacy, values, health and the legal basics — and knowing how you’ll handle what isn’t settled yet. Large studies link premarital preparation to better communication and lower odds of divorce. This check shows which conversations you have already had and which ones are still waiting.
For each topic, where are the two of you?
It works best if you each do it separately and then compare. Disagreeing is fine. What you’re checking is whether you’ve talked it through.
Money
1. How we’ll handle money day to day — joint, separate, or a mix.
2. Each of our debts, savings, credit and money habits.
Children
3. Whether we want children, and roughly when.
4. How we’d want to parent: discipline, schooling, values, and who does what.
Families
5. How involved our families will be: holidays, visits, advice and money.
6. What each of us learned about love and conflict from our parents’ relationship.
Conflict
7. How each of us behaves in a fight, and how we repair afterwards.
8. What we’ll do if we get stuck, including whether we’d see a counsellor.
Home & work
9. Who does which chores, and who carries the mental load of running a home.
10. How we’ll balance two careers, including if one of us needs to move or step back.
Intimacy & trust
11. What each of us needs for affection and sex, and how we’ll talk about it when it changes.
12. What counts as cheating or crossing a line for each of us, online included.
Values & the future
13. Faith, values and traditions we want in our home.
14. Where we want to live, and what we want life to look like in ten years.
Health & habits
15. Alcohol, cannabis, gambling and screens: what’s fine and what worries us.
16. Physical and mental health history we should each know about.
Legal & practical
17. Whether we want a marriage or cohabitation agreement, and what happens to property we each bring in.
18. Updating wills, beneficiaries, insurance and powers of attorney.
Does premarital preparation actually help?
The evidence is encouraging and has limits. In a large random household survey across four U.S. states, couples who had taken part in premarital education reported higher satisfaction and commitment, less conflict, and lower odds of divorce. The effect held across race, income and education (Stanley, Amato, Johnson & Markman, 2006). That study was correlational. Couples who choose preparation may differ in other ways.
Meta-analyses point the same way, with caveats. An early review found that participants in premarital programs did better than about 79% of non-participants on average, while noting that long-term effects were not established (Carroll & Doherty, 2003). A later meta-analysis of 47 studies found clear gains in communication skills, while satisfaction gains shrank once unpublished studies were included (Fawcett et al., 2010). The most consistent benefit is the one this checklist aims for: learning to talk about hard things before they become fights.
Why money is on the list twice
In a study of 4,574 couples, disagreements about money predicted divorce more strongly than other common disagreements, for husbands and wives alike (Dew, Britt & Huston, 2012). The disagreement is rarely about arithmetic. It is usually about security, fairness and control, which is why the money prompts ask about the house you grew up in as well as the budget.
The Canadian context
Canadians are marrying later. The average age at first marriage reached 32 by 2020 (Justice Canada, 2026). Many couples live together first or don’t marry at all: in the 2021 Census, 22.7% of Canadian couples lived common law, the highest share in the G7, including 18.0% in British Columbia (Statistics Canada, 2022).
For BC couples, that matters legally. Under BC’s Family Law Act, people who have lived together in a marriage-like relationship for at least two years generally count as spouses for dividing property and debt on separation, much as married couples do. That is why the checklist asks about agreements and property whether or not you’re planning a wedding. It is general information, not legal advice. Each of you should get your own independent advice before signing anything.
How to use your list
Do the check separately, then compare answers before you compare lists. The places where one of you thinks something is settled and the other doesn’t are usually the most useful. Take one conversation a week. Set a time limit, start with what you each want rather than what worries you about the other person, and stop if it turns into a fight. You can always come back to it.
How this tool was built
I chose the eighteen topics from the areas that premarital programs and the research above consistently cover, plus two that couples often skip: the legal side and health. Each topic is rated 0 (haven’t talked), 1 (talked, not settled) or 2 (talked and mostly agree). The list puts unaddressed topics first. It is a conversation guide, not a compatibility test, and it does not predict whether a marriage will last. Nothing you enter is saved or sent.
Sources
- Stanley, S. M., Amato, P. R., Johnson, C. A., & Markman, H. J. (2006). Premarital education, marital quality, and marital stability: Findings from a large, random household survey. Journal of Family Psychology, 20(1), 117–126. doi.org/10.1037/0893-3200.20.1.117
- Carroll, J. S., & Doherty, W. J. (2003). Evaluating the effectiveness of premarital prevention programs: A meta-analytic review of outcome research. Family Relations, 52, 105–118. doi.org/10.1111/j.1741-3729.2003.00105.x
- Fawcett, E. B., Hawkins, A. J., Blanchard, V. L., & Carroll, J. S. (2010). Do premarital education programs really work? A meta-analytic study. Family Relations, 59, 232–239. doi.org/10.1111/j.1741-3729.2010.00598.x
- Dew, J., Britt, S., & Huston, S. (2012). Examining the relationship between financial issues and divorce. Family Relations, 61, 615–628. doi.org/10.1111/j.1741-3729.2012.00715.x
- Department of Justice Canada (2026). Marriage and divorce trends in Canada, 1921 to 2020. JustFacts. justice.gc.ca/eng/rp-pr/jr/jf-pf/2026/mdt-tmd/index.html
- Statistics Canada (2022, July 13). State of the union: Canada leads the G7 with nearly one-quarter of couples living common law. The Daily. www150.statcan.gc.ca/n1/daily-quotidien/220713/dq220713b-eng.htm
- Family Law Act, SBC 2011, c. 25, s. 3 (definition of spouse). www.bclaws.gov.bc.ca/civix/document/id/complete/statreg/11025_01
Common questions
What should couples talk about before marriage?
The big areas are money, children, families and in-laws, how you handle conflict, household roles and careers, intimacy and fidelity, values and where you want to live, health and habits, and the legal basics such as agreements, wills and beneficiaries. The goal is to have talked them through, not to agree on everything.
Does premarital counselling reduce the risk of divorce?
Research links premarital education to better communication, higher satisfaction and lower odds of divorce, though most of that evidence is correlational and long-term effects are harder to show. The clearest benefit is better communication skills.
How do I know if we're ready to get married?
A good sign is that you've discussed the major topics honestly, know where you disagree, and can talk about those disagreements without them turning into the same fight. Readiness is about how you handle differences, not about having none.
When should we start premarital counselling?
Ideally three to six months before the wedding, early enough that the planning stress hasn't taken over. Many couples come in four to six sessions. It is also useful before moving in together.
Do common-law couples in BC need to think about property?
Yes. Under BC's Family Law Act, people who have lived in a marriage-like relationship for at least two years are generally treated as spouses for dividing property and debt on separation. Each partner should get independent legal advice about any agreement.
Do you offer premarital counselling in Victoria?
Yes, in person in downtown Victoria and by secure video anywhere in British Columbia. Book a free 15-minute consultation to talk about what you'd like to cover.
A note on this tool. It runs entirely in your browser — your answers are never saved, stored, or sent to Koby or anyone else. It is a self-reflection aid built from published research and clinical models, not a diagnosis, not therapy, and not personalized advice. If you’re in crisis or worried about your safety, call or text 9-8-8 (Suicide Crisis Helpline), call 9-1-1, or call the Vancouver Island Crisis Line at 1-888-494-3888.
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